I just finished watching Anne of Avonlea...that and Anne of Green Gables were some of my favorite movies growing up, and watching it this time, I remember why.
I think I want to move to Prince Edward Island...of course things are never quite as they are in the movies, and I'm sure it's a little more populated and modernized these days.
However, I'll just continue to think of it in it's Anne-esque state.

I have been on a domestic kick lately...I'm pretty sure it's mostly in the throes of attempting to keep myself occupied that I start to get handy in the kitchen. Well, not even just in the kitchen. I've been vaccuuming, washing dishes, and cleaning without prior nagging from the motherly unit, and knitting. I never knit unless I'm extremely bored, so there's a clue-in. But I've been keeping the family stocked in tortillas, new batches of Ranch dressing, and even full meals now and then. I wonder if you can grow an herb garden in the fall. I've never looked into it.

After noticing an alarming pattern (starting at about age 5, and never having grown out of it) of making an incredible mess on myself while cooking, I was ambitious enough last year to make myself a pink striped apron...I even bought a pattern for it.

Well, today my domesticity kicked in again, and I decided that I need a new one to switch the other one out with when I'm tired of it, and so broke out the sewing machine and found some blue striped material and made another. This one isn't bib-style, it's just one that ties around the upper waist, which is what needs to be covered, because the counter and stove hit me around the mid stomach, hence where I end up splashed with all manner of foods.
I have also had a long and brutal battle with cocoa. Since I started cooking at a young age, I have not been able to keep cocoa off of myself. I swear, it jumps. Especially when I'm wearing something that I reeealllly don't want to get dirty. The cocoa says to itself, "Hey, look at that nice, pastel colored shirt. Let's ruin it forever."
So, again, the necessity of aprons presented itself.

I applied for a job out at the Super 8 Hotel (or is it a MOtel?) today...not exactly my dream job right now, but if I get it, it will be something to keep me a little more busy than I have been. Basically trying to avoid all-out insanity, I'll work at the front desk all decked out in business-casual glory.

Celine Dion and "My Heart Will Go On" just started playing on my iTunes. Why do I even own this song??

"Whenever anything begins to disintegrate your life with Jesus Christ, turn to Him at once and ask Him to establish rest. Never allow anything to remain which is making the dis-peace. Take every element of disintegration as something to wrestle against, and not to suffer. Say--Lord, prove Thy consciousnes in me, and self-consciousness will go and He will be all in all Beward of allowing self-consciousness to continue because by slow degrees it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is Satanic."
--Oswald Chambers

I guess I never thought of self-pity as anything particularly sinful. The other day, as I was letting a tear or two of pure self-pity run down my face, I opened My Utmost for His Highest, and the August 20 devotion contained the quote above. Obviously it was something I reallllly need to hear.
"But God, I don't know what to do next!"
Trust Me.
"But God, it's so hard to talk to my friends at school and still be here!"
Trust ME.
"But God, I've been trusting You for so long...I'm tired."
Trust. Me.

Yeah, you'd think I would get it through my thick skull. Any day now.

And currently I'm trying to juggle 4 different conversation on Facebook chat. I hate Facebook chat, but I forget that I'm signed on, and people talk to me. I'm helping 2 of my guy friends out with their girl problems. As if I'm a love guru. I find that guys come to me with their problems...and I'm not so good with the advice. Seriously, I stink at advice. I'm better with sarcasm and such. I should just tell them to become monks and leave it at that.

Trying to be productive is a million times more difficult than being constantly busy.

It's rare that I post within a couple days of the last post, but I really wanted to today.
I think my burst of sudden inspiration may spring from the fact that my bedroom floor is covered in the contents of several boxes that have been lurking in my closet for a while. Inspiration hit to go through and clean out my closet, I successfully demolished the towers of belongings, and now the rubble has yet to be cleared.
This always happens to me...I get on an organizational kick, and then my steam runs out right when everything looks the worst.
It's probably a good thing that I'm not an airplane mechanic or a brain surgeon. God help the world if I was.

I've been compulsively searching for things to fill my time these past several days. After being at Liberty then almost straight to camp, I have grown so accustomed to being always occupied and over-tired that now I really don't know what to do with myself. Hence the empty closet.
My sleeping pattern has also been a little disrupted. I've stayed up until 1-2 AM these past few days, and yet can't seem to sleep in after 8. I force myself to stay in bed because I can, but I might as well get up because there's no sleep involved in that while.
I should start getting up at 6 or something...there's so much more day, so much more peace and quiet to devote to the Lord. Of course, as things are, I don't know what I would do with more hours to the day.
I think this is the problem--having time is a novelty.
Maybe tomorrow I'll join the gym.

This time is different from previous summers...I feel like I left my heart in Maine, even though it's not like I fell in love over the summer or anything. There's just this pervasive thought of "What am I doing here?" that keeps on bugging me. I told my parents that it's not that I mind being home. I love home. I just didn't want to leave Maine.
But, the reality is, no one can be in two places at once.
I don't mind not going back to school. I've dealt with disappointment before, and I can deal with it this time.
The sad thing is what I am most afraid of are the questions.
"Where are you going to school now?"
"Why don't you take out student loans?"
"When are you going to get a job?"
"You're living at home?"
It's absolutely inconceivable that a young woman in the 21st Century might possibly not have a clue what she's doing. It's mind boggling that maybe I'm not interested in climbing the corporate ladder and making millions. It's irrational that I refuse to put myself in tens of thousands of dollars of debt in order to get an education.

What happened to the days when girls stayed at home and learned to embroider, churn butter, and clean between the floorboards until some snazzy gentleman or not-so-snazzy farm boy showed up on their doorstep and said, "Why hello, I like your face. We shall be married tomorrow." And that was that. Simple.

And the world spins madly on.

I suppose it was somewhat naive to think that I would post over the summer. Every year that I go to Living Waters, I overestimate the time that I will have to do the things that I want, and underestimate the complete lack of free time that I will have.
Especially after getting my lifeguard certification, there isn't a spare moment for me during the day, hence the reason I get up at 5:30 AM every day just to get in my time with the Lord. Sometimes even that is lacking though, because after falling into bed exhausted at night, getting up is one of the hardest things I have to do.
And yet, I keep going back. Every day at camp I eat food that is mediocre and unsatisfying, swim in a lake that is too cold, sail in a boat that is leaky, care for children that need more than a little discipline, lay in a bed that is too hard, and take a shower that is too short. Not necessarily in that order.
I think it's the feeling of total acceptance, that I am completely comfortable with everything and everyone there. I'm a wicked dork...I know this about myself, and everyone who knows me really well definitely knows it. I have accepted that I'm never going to be the suave, always composed woman that others are, and that's really ok with me, and I love being at LW where, a) everyone doesn't care how awkward I can be, and b) a lot of the people are the exact same way.
I was never that comfortable at school, so it's a relief to be there again.

Honestly, it's hard to try and start on all of the things that I have learned over the last several weeks. Well, if I'm really being honest, the learning part is still coming.
To spare all the little details, I decided over the summer that I will not be returning to Liberty. Financial reasons mainly, God didn't see fit to provide for my next year on campus. I am still struggling with frustration, with being upset that I was forced to make this decision, and with the confusion as to what I'm supposed to "do with my life" now.

God has a plan. God has a plan. God always has a plan.