It's rare that I post within a couple days of the last post, but I really wanted to today.
I think my burst of sudden inspiration may spring from the fact that my bedroom floor is covered in the contents of several boxes that have been lurking in my closet for a while. Inspiration hit to go through and clean out my closet, I successfully demolished the towers of belongings, and now the rubble has yet to be cleared.
This always happens to me...I get on an organizational kick, and then my steam runs out right when everything looks the worst.
It's probably a good thing that I'm not an airplane mechanic or a brain surgeon. God help the world if I was.

I've been compulsively searching for things to fill my time these past several days. After being at Liberty then almost straight to camp, I have grown so accustomed to being always occupied and over-tired that now I really don't know what to do with myself. Hence the empty closet.
My sleeping pattern has also been a little disrupted. I've stayed up until 1-2 AM these past few days, and yet can't seem to sleep in after 8. I force myself to stay in bed because I can, but I might as well get up because there's no sleep involved in that while.
I should start getting up at 6 or something...there's so much more day, so much more peace and quiet to devote to the Lord. Of course, as things are, I don't know what I would do with more hours to the day.
I think this is the problem--having time is a novelty.
Maybe tomorrow I'll join the gym.

This time is different from previous summers...I feel like I left my heart in Maine, even though it's not like I fell in love over the summer or anything. There's just this pervasive thought of "What am I doing here?" that keeps on bugging me. I told my parents that it's not that I mind being home. I love home. I just didn't want to leave Maine.
But, the reality is, no one can be in two places at once.
I don't mind not going back to school. I've dealt with disappointment before, and I can deal with it this time.
The sad thing is what I am most afraid of are the questions.
"Where are you going to school now?"
"Why don't you take out student loans?"
"When are you going to get a job?"
"You're living at home?"
It's absolutely inconceivable that a young woman in the 21st Century might possibly not have a clue what she's doing. It's mind boggling that maybe I'm not interested in climbing the corporate ladder and making millions. It's irrational that I refuse to put myself in tens of thousands of dollars of debt in order to get an education.

What happened to the days when girls stayed at home and learned to embroider, churn butter, and clean between the floorboards until some snazzy gentleman or not-so-snazzy farm boy showed up on their doorstep and said, "Why hello, I like your face. We shall be married tomorrow." And that was that. Simple.

And the world spins madly on.