Well, even for all of my good intentions of keeping this thing private, I think that it's going to be a pain to try and get everyone's email that I want reading it, so I just set it that you can't find it on a search engine, and I guess that'll be that. Honestly, anyone is welcome to read this, I was just sort of hoping to keep it out of the eyesight of my roommates and a few other friends. Not that I have a problem with them knowing about my life, but sometimes I just want to say things outside of their earshot. :) I'm sure you all know how that feels.

I've never really liked the part of the song "A Mighty Fortress is Our God" when they refer to God as a "bulwark". It always seemed like such an unflattering word...like some sort of animal or something.
This morning, I decided to skip my first class because I couldn't sleep last night...I just kept thinking about all of the things I needed to get done, so sleep escaped me for quite a while. So, I slept in for an extra 45 minutes, then got up to get ready. Katy was already in class, and Rhi was still in bed, so the room was pretty much mine to use. I really do love the mornings, once my body complies to rolling out of bed. Or in my case, balancing and teetering out of bed, considering I'm on the top bunk. It was nice and quiet this morning, and I had a little bit of extra time after getting ready to read my Bible--a seldom-occuring luxury. I usually end up only being able to have quiet time at night due to time constraints, but in the morning when I can, I try to read a Psalm, or out of My Utmost for His Highest. This morning I found this verse:
(Psalm 91:4) "His faithfulness is a shield and a bulwark."
Now, I don't know what word your versions used, but that's what mine said. Previously I had sort of turned my nose up at the choice of wording in the hymn, but reading it this morning gave it a new feel. It sounded strong, something that I really have need of lately.
I looked it up, and here is one definition: any person or thing giving strong support or encouragement in time of need, danger, or doubt.
Perfect.
Lately I've just had so much work. My schedule, though similar every day, is so packed that I hardly have enough time to think. I can already tell these last several weeks are going to be crazy. Professors are piling on the work, I have so many things to turn in and get done before the year is through. Plus applying for honors, setting up my practicum, getting everything in that is so crucial for next year, but I am struggling with.
In this time, I need something strong. A bulwark.

It's so hard for me not to stress out about grades. A lot of people think it's silly, but it really is a huge issue with me. Maybe even a pride issue. I want A's, and I don't want to settle for anything else. Getting a C on a test earlier this semester was huge for me...probably the first C I've gotten since 7th grade. I want to be able to say I have a 4.0 average, I want to be able to take pride in my unsullied grades. This semester isn't going to be quite like that though. I'm not doing as well as I'd like in several classes, and am running out of time to pull those grades up. Most people wish for B's...and I call them the ultimate in mediocrity. A B could have been an A if I had just been less lazy...that's what I tell myself.
This is something I need to get over, because I'm not always going to get perfect grades. Classes will catch up with me--they already have.

Aaaand...I've already gone 15 minutes into the time I set myself aside for studying Biology. No rest for the weary.